A Letter from Al Qaadar

“If I told you never to forget my face right now, would you? If I told you never to forget this day, the little details, like the way you clinged to me whenever the whitewash blown by the sea breeze would wash the mist about our eyes, would you? If
I told you to remember our love, would you?”

It was an easy enough question. It wasn’t hard for her to answer. She would always remember the way the waves vibed against the pier’s beams; how they synced to her heartbeats as he held her hand. She would always remember reality; for right now, everything was real. In focus. Outlined. Positive. She loved him. He loved her. And he was leaving to die.

He was leaving for Al Qaadar, one of the most violent and dangerous war-zones. Only 95% of Americans live through Al Qaadar, the other wives told her. 95% was pretty good though, right? “Not when your husband is one of the 5%.” This fact shadowed her every thought.

Today was perfect, though. Beautiful ocean. Beautiful sun. Beautiful eyes boring into hers. She could forget for now. For today. And let reality cover her in warm folds like a bed’s sheets in December. Like her husband’s embrace.

But now she sat again on the dock. Alone. With the dirty white envelope in her hands. Right now, forever, she would remember this singular moment. She was alone. But in this moment, she was singular. Singular in the fact that he and she were made one and would always remain that way. Even in death. The wind gusted around her. It lashed her hair around her face, whipping the tears that streamed. She opened the note gently, softly. He had touched this note not a few days earlier.

“Bear with me, my dearest. I see the dustiness around me and think of our days on the pier. I see the blood-red sunset, and think of the blooming orange ones at home. I see the haunted faces of those who have lost so much, and I remember yours. I remember it clearly. Perfectly. The days passed by so quickly when I was with you. But now I relive each of them in earnest, remembering every angle of my day. Every angle in which I saw you. Every angle in which I plumbed the depth of your untouched mind. I wish to see you with my whole heart. And I know I will.

I now read and understand. ‘Love never fails.’”